..[Los Angeles without a car, work permit or superpowers]

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day Massacre

Valentine's Day; the couple upstairs are jumping up and down and screaming at each other in Chinese, and my Facebook newsfeed is registering 33% lamentation, 33% smuggery, and 34% propositions we all 'jus get bollok drunk LOLz'.   

In the spirit of this fine occasion:

Top 5 Least Appropriate and Yet Gratifyingly Memorable Gifts From My Husband

- a 30AA bra.
(a birthday; sadly, not my 14th. Still, doesn't every woman long to re-enact the classic romcom direction: girlfriend hesitantly unwraps present, holds up improbably slight item of lingerie: Uh... what is this?)

- a box of chocolates in a brown envelope, accompanied by an aggressive note that can be best summarized 'will this fucking do?'.
(a Valentine's Day which fell during a difficult period in our relationship)

- before we married, a ring-oh-not-that-kind-of-ring. Nervous laughter; awkward silence.
(a Valentine's Day which precipitated a difficult period in our relationship)

- a Richard Dawkins text, or any novel with 'death' in the title.
(various impromptu moments when my mind has seemed in need of improvement)

- a burgundy fedora that Huggy Bear would consider a tad too pimpish.
(a Christmas; now kindly donated to a men's shelter in Dusseldorf)

Top 5 Gifts Received By Prima Ballerina Margot Fonteyn; 
Look, I Know I've Never Danced Swan Lake, But I'm Just Saying

- a pure white kitten lying on a velvet cushion, in a basket of white orchids.
(from Roland Petit, Paris)

- a little packet containing a beautifully simple diamond bracelet.
(from Tito Arias, New York)

- a silver spoon that once belonged to Taglioni.
(from Tamara Platonovna Karsavina, London)

- a cuff of rubies, diamonds, pearls and emeralds, in a green velvet box.
(from, oh dear, Imelda Marcos, Manila)

- an otter.
(from her mother, Penang)

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